PDA

View Full Version : Imperial


Ivan Gina
Jul-6-09, 9:07 AM
Robin

I hope you are as excited as I am to learn that I have written a musical based on your LP about sweets.

It all started when I wrote some words for your instrumental song "Imperial":

Imperial, we love you, you are our fav'rite mint
We love to go and buy you
So long as we're not skint
We tried and hated Polos
So here it is in print
Imperial, we love your spark
You con-fection-er's flint!

It does sound better when played on the Hammond; next time I'm playing with my organ, I may videotape the result!

Feel free to use this, Robin, although you might have to get that Liz Frazier in for the high bits. I myself can't hit the top notes since my hernia transplant.

Anyway, my idea for "Imperial, The Musical" is this (just the first act or so - I don't want this idea stolen before it's had a chance to poke its embryonic head down through the birth-canal of my mind's womb:

(Curtain up to reveal a backdrop of a street made up of shelving units from a sweet shop. (We, along with some members of Girls Aloud, might need to spend a few weeks on your yacht in Antigua to decide on who we're going to use as an artist for this, Robin. We need someone with vision and a profound grasp of both nouvelle vague and Dada-esque principles - is Rolf Harris free?) Dancers on from left and right, high-kicking and all wearing Peter Mandelson masks as the first strains of the opening number "Sherbert For Herbert" kicks us off.))

Enter, stage left, our hero. Micky Imperial is a mint from the wrong side of town. He and his gang, the Hard Centres, cruise the backstreets/shelves all day. Micky Imperial delivers his first song "They Call Me Mallow Yellow" as two females dancers, dressed as mint julip lollipops, try to entice him into giving them a good licking.

The song finishes and the lights dim, as a member of a rival gang, The Liquorice Allsorts, are seen beating up Emmanuel Emanem, one of Micky Imperial's gang members, as they sing what will become their motif theme "Don't Be Dissin Me Chocolate Fingers, You Raspeberry Fool".

With his sugar coating smashed and having lost a fatal amount of his chocalate filling, Emmanuel staggers off towards home, where he's intercepted by Micky Imperial and the rest of the Hard Centres, who, after hearing Emanem's dying words, vow to exact their revenge on the Allsorts' leader, Pinkern White and his whole family. This secretly dismays Micky, as he is in a passionate but forbidden relationship with Orangern, Pinkern's sister.

The gang, minus Mickey, then sing an almost tribal song, using the music, dance and huge amounts of premium China White to incite each other to violence (Robin, I don't have any music for this song, but if I send you the lyrics to "Your Mama Was A Flake", could you do something meaningful with an accordian?). Mickey is seen scuttling off to warn his paramour of the impending arrival of the Hard Centres as the curtain falls.

Curtain up for scene two, as we see that we are now in Throat Lozenge Ghetto, where medicinal treats from former Soviet Bloc countries huddle in sub-standard packaging. One old, gnarled and well-chewed lozenge delivers the hauntingly beautiful "I've Never Caught A Salmon, 'Cos I'm Only A Fisherman's Friend". We see Micky Imperial seeking a short cut to Orangern, his love, through Throat Lozenge Ghetto, where he is accosted by the beautiful and mysterious Belgique Truffle, who tempts him with her luxurious soft bit. After singing a duet with Belgique ("My Love Is Like A Molten Snicker"), Mickey realises that this delay may be catastrophic for both Otrangern and her brother Pinkern and he rushes away to find them before it's too late.

Before curtain down on the first act, we're treated to a spoken summation, set to music, of the story so far. I think this is known as "wrapping".

Let me know what you think, Robin, and I'll call Lloyd-Webber as soon as you give me the nod.

All the best

Ivan

Quisquose
Jul-6-09, 9:47 AM
Oh Lawton, you've come to this?

randomrob
Jul-6-09, 9:48 AM
my thoughts exactly

JohnnyV
Jul-6-09, 9:50 AM
:

Imperial, we love you, you are our fav'rite mint
We love to go and buy you
So long as we're not skint
We tried and hated Polos
So here it is in print
Imperial, we love your spark
You con-fection-er's flint!

All the best

Ivan

Still chuckling

Daphne
Jul-6-09, 10:16 AM
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Ivan Gina
Jul-6-09, 10:37 AM
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

You didn't like the mint song? You might like the middle (or even "after") eight:

Please stay with us, imperial
We all love you more than cereal
Slightly green, but not venereal
And RG's axe is ethereal

No? Still "bah, humbug"? It's Ok - I'm feeling extra strong.

randomrob
Jul-6-09, 10:38 AM
:shout:

andylama
Jul-6-09, 10:45 AM
I'm tickled. Keep it coming.

Is there interpretive dance that goes with?

JohnnyV
Jul-6-09, 11:15 AM
can I do the choreography?

spangled
Jul-6-09, 11:30 AM
We're going to need a bigger can....
http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w64/31spangled13/258Troll_spray.jpg

Daphne
Jul-6-09, 12:19 PM
:nod:

somehow, I don't think this is what Robin had in mind.....

JohnnyV
Jul-6-09, 12:23 PM
Maybe it's Robin channeling Phil channeling Lucynow

spangled
Jul-6-09, 12:24 PM
Agreed, although obviously somebody had this in mind.

postlibyan
Jul-6-09, 3:45 PM
wait...

so are you saying that Phil Lawton was actually a character created by Robin Guthrie on this Forum???

how odd. i have seen photos of this person, and i have a CD by him...

that is some impressive role-playing Mr. Guthrie. maybe you should have been an actor!

PJK

Daphne
Jul-6-09, 5:14 PM
:lmao:

frarn
Jul-6-09, 5:40 PM
or Phil channeling Brewstone, channelling that lithuanian monk chap - gosh I can't believe I've forgotten his name - Ivo timusk, wasn't it, hmmm? boys playing football in the park? Jumpers for goal posts?

randomrob
Jul-6-09, 7:47 PM
open the floodgates of assbiscuit

fredofla
Jul-6-09, 8:14 PM
sure reads like Phil (wit et al.) tho wha'doooeye know....

could be Doug Moon went & found a passion for the assorted showtune.

JohnnyV
Jul-6-09, 8:21 PM
K08akOt2kuo

Diane65
Jul-6-09, 9:19 PM
That name does look a bit odd...sorta like "I vagina" or a play on those words...hmmm...?

Tinspur
Jul-7-09, 12:58 AM
That's gotta be P-Law, I'd know that comic formula anywhere....

dprid
Jul-7-09, 2:52 AM
how odd. i have seen photos of this person, and i have a CD by him...

Yes, and he should pull his finger out and finish the 2nd one! Some of the songs have been 'coming soon' for years and I'd quite like to hear them.

Musette
Jul-7-09, 3:58 AM
That name does look a bit odd...sorta like "I vagina" or a play on those words...hmmm...?

Think "pectoralis", dear.

I think I need to go check on mine.

Moya xx
Jul-7-09, 8:32 AM
meh

frarn
Jul-7-09, 5:40 PM
could be Doug Moon went & found a passion for the assorted showtune.

:crying:

frarn
Jul-7-09, 5:41 PM
Yes, and he should pull his finger out and finish the 2nd one! Some of the songs have been 'coming soon' for years and I'd quite like to hear them.

well said that man - I've requested an update a couple of times, and got one response but nothign more ....

must be busy barbequeing kittens, I guess!

dprid
Jul-7-09, 5:48 PM
well said that man - I've requested an update a couple of times, and got one response but nothign more ....

must be busy barbequeing kittens, I guess!
To be fair, I think his musical other half went working away from home at one point, but I do want to hear the finished article - I still regularly play both Swept Away and what there is of Isolation.

Daphne
Jul-7-09, 5:57 PM
he would sautee them, not barbecue them

frarn
Jul-8-09, 6:39 AM
he would sautee them, not barbecue them

I stand corrected ..... with plate outstretched in Oliver Twist "can I have some more, please sir?" mode .....

Dave, I also still listen to Phil's recordings from time to time - they are both on my mp3 player at the moment ....

and like yourself I still wait with road-kill-baited breath for the final tracks from "Isolation"

Phil take note if you ever see this!

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 4:20 AM
You see, I remember the times when no-one on here took themselves seriously and this sort of tomfoolery (does anyone know who Tom was?) or "arsing about" was what made this place an enjoyable gig.

Of course, back then, all of this was fields and trees and we used to play football just over there...

Good morning - I realise I might have just ruined a few people's week by appearing suddenly, but I'm well used to being as welcome as a dose of clap in the Vatican, so no harm done, eh?

If you don't know who I am, then think yourself lucky; I am one of what Robin Guthrie described in a different thread as one of those "assholes", but I'm an asshole with a haemorrhoid of gold. Like bubonic plague (but without the charm), I go way back, but ducked out of here (bar for two posts a couple of Christmases back) at the start of 2007.

If you do know me, don't worry if you've slagged me off in here at any point during the last two and a half years. I won't be sifting through thousands of posts just to seek the opportunity to be offended.

So...as Jonathan Ross said when he got back to work after being suspended.....

..Where were we?

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 4:21 AM
I stand corrected ..... with plate outstretched in Oliver Twist "can I have some more, please sir?" mode .....

Dave, I also still listen to Phil's recordings from time to time - they are both on my mp3 player at the moment ....

and like yourself I still wait with road-kill-baited breath for the final tracks from "Isolation"

Phil take note if you ever see this!

Noted.

It's all in hand.

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 4:21 AM
We're going to need a bigger can....


Many a true word is spoken in jest.

fornasetti
Jul-14-09, 4:25 AM
Oh no. It's him again.

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 4:30 AM
Oh no. It's him again.

Pisser, innit?

by the sea
Jul-14-09, 5:05 AM
Mommy and Daddy won't let me talk to you. They say you're a bad influence.

Daphne
Jul-14-09, 5:10 AM
I played in an online role-playing game once where you could procure this "blue hat" and if you by chance got this item and put it on, you might become any random member of the whole membership.

Looks like someone found his own blue hat ;)

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 5:12 AM
Mommy and Daddy won't let me talk to you. They say you're a bad influence.

Dear boy.

Your mommy and daddy are very wise.

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 5:14 AM
I played in an online role-playing game once where you could procure this "blue hat" and if you by chance got this item and put it on, you might become any random member of the whole membership.

Looks like someone found his own blue hat ;)

(Sings in an affected Cocker-knee accent)

"'Ave you ever 'ad your 'ole felt
Ever 'ad your 'ole felt
Ever 'ad your ole felt 'at on?"

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 5:18 AM
And there was me thinking rRob could be anoying

You think I've been annoying thus far?

Oh dear...it gets worse, I'm afraid, matey-lad.

You might want to set me to "ignore" now to save yourself any grief later.

Dpressed
Jul-14-09, 5:29 AM
You think I've been annoying thus far?

Oh dear...it gets worse, I'm afraid, matey-lad.

You might want to set me to "ignore" now to save yourself any grief later.

Houston, I think we've got a problem here

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 5:37 AM
Houston, I think we've got a problem here

It all stems from my father never loving me.

No wait, it was due to me spending the first three weeks of big school in short trousers.

Or was it being caught up to my back wheels in Emily Pankhurst's favourite salamander?

Actually, it hasn't helped my mental development that I was discovered masturbating by a family member...and it helped even less that I was in the lingerie section of BHS at the time.

Dpressed
Jul-14-09, 6:01 AM
^^^^

Wow .. its the ghost of Bob Monkhouse

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 6:05 AM
^ ^ ^

Wow...it's the ghost of my soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law...and she's not even dead yet!

Dpressed
Jul-14-09, 6:08 AM
^^^^^

Soon to be ex-MIL .... now I see why you've returned

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 6:12 AM
^^^^^

Soon to be ex-MIL .... now I see why you've returned

Yes...to marry you, you little vixen.

Dpressed
Jul-14-09, 6:19 AM
Yes...to marry you, you little vixen.

That's the best offer I've had today ... unfortunately I'll have to turn you down as you're not my type.

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 6:24 AM
That's the best offer I've had today ... unfortunately I'll have to turn you down as you're not my type.

Ah, that old chestnut. Always an excuse isn't there?

"You're not my type"..."I'm a lesbian"..."Take that knife away from my throat and untie me and we'll talk"..."I'm Church Of Scotland"...I've heard them all before.

Dpressed
Jul-14-09, 9:43 AM
Ah, that old chestnut. Always an excuse isn't there?

"You're not my type"..."I'm a lesbian"..."Take that knife away from my throat and untie me and we'll talk"..."I'm Church Of Scotland"...I've heard them all before.

So you want the truth ................. no ..... as don't want to start another flame war.

I never realised you were bi-sexual though

Phil Lawton
Jul-14-09, 9:51 AM
So you want the truth ................. no ..... as don't want to start another flame war.

I never realised you were bi-sexual though

You mean...you're not a woman?

My mistake.

Daphne
Jul-14-09, 11:05 AM
http://baglady.dreamhosters.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/cockfight.jpg

Dpressed
Jul-14-09, 11:09 AM
^^^^^^

:lol: ... or should that be :slapfight:

:sorry: D

& yes I am male

paulr
Jul-19-09, 1:18 PM
You mean...you're not a woman?

My mistake.



& yes I am male

Wooooosh - as they say in other forums